It was a conversation that I was not comfortable with, purely for selfish reasons. I simply was not ready to let my Mama go. For almost 70 years she had beautifully and consistently influenced my life with her sweet, loving ways. To carry on without her was beyond my comprehension. But she insisted that we discuss how she viewed her imminent departure from this world. I had no choice but to listen. I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. A sob was forming in the deep recesses of my soul. She spoke with certainty and confidence that belied any anxiety she may have been experiencing at the moment. “I need to know that you’ll be okay when I leave. I think it will be hard for you because we have been so close.” She smiled while remembering all the wonderful times we had shared together. “Hasn’t our relationship just been the sweetest?” I nodded in agreement, although I was still struggling for composure. She took a breath and continued, “I’ve been seeing loved ones that are in Heaven.” She paused for a moment to study my expression and then went on, “Especially my Grandma.” I swallowed hard because I believed her. She loved her Grandma Winkle and had told me so many precious stories about her through the years. They were close, and it made sense that her Grandma would be anxious to see her. No doubt, Mama was being prepared to transition from this life to the next, and my heart knew that she wouldn’t be with us long. “You know where I’ll be, don’t you?” she asked. Of course, I did. I just didn’t want her to leave.

On October 10, 2017, Mama took a fall that fractured her back in three places. Her doctor was quick to inform us that she would not be returning home any time soon and that the road to recovery – if there was to be a recovery at all – was a long, arduous journey considering her 90 years of age. Ultimately, Mama decided that the battle was not one she had the strength to wage. In eleven days, her earthly struggle came to an end. I knew she was with the Lord, but my heart was broken.

I’ve not talked much about the last day she spent on earth and reasoned that her passing was such a personal matter that I need not share the details. As time goes on, I’ve had a change of heart. There were some remarkable, God-filled moments during the several hours leading up to my Mama’s transition and ultimate departure that I feel compelled to share.

On the morning of October 21, 2017, Mama was in a deep coma and we knew that her death was imminent. Nurses adjusted levels of pain medication as they deemed necessary for her to remain comfortable and free of distress. They regularly swabbed her mouth with ice water and placed pillows under and around her back for support. Shortly after 2:30 pm, my sister and I were talking in the doorway of Mama’s room. Suddenly, we were both aware of a presence that rushed past us.  Our knees buckled, and we reached for each other so as not to lose our balance. My sister exclaimed, “Oh my goodness, they’re here.” We knew instinctively that heavenly angels filled Mama’s room. The nurse looked alarmed, asking, “What’s happening?” She quickly checked for a pulse and was not able to locate one. Mama’s breathing stopped for what we believed was the last time. I glanced at the room clock to see that it was 2:40 pm. Suddenly, Mama gasped for air and her pulse was again detectable. I felt a deep sense of relief mixed with immense confusion as to what had just occurred. The presence that so engulfed the room shortly before was now gone. For the next seven hours, Mama’s breathing was labored but steady. At 10:05 pm, she inhaled once more and then was gone.

The next two weeks were dark and full of questions, most of which I dared not express. Why had Mama stayed so long after angels had come to escort her home? Were we mistaken? Had she suffered? The grief and the questions which tortured my soul were nearly unbearable. Two weeks later, the death certificates were delivered to the funeral home and they called me to pick them up.  To my utter amazement, the time of death that was recorded and certified by the doctor was 2:39 pm! No one will ever convince me otherwise that my Mama left with the holy angels. There are just some things we cannot explain on this side of Heaven – it’s best not try.